On the front) 60 IS NOT OLD. On the back) IF YOU'RE A TREE.

I'M STILL HOT. IT JUST COMES IN FLASHES.

AT MY AGE, "GETTING LUCKY" MEANS FINDING MY CAR IN THE PARKING LOT.

MY REALITY CHECK JUST BOUNCED.

LIFE IS SHORT. . MAKE FUN OF IT.

I'M NOT 50. I'M $49.95 PLUS TAX.

ANNAPOLIS--A DRINKING TOWN WITH A SAILING PROBLEM.

I NEED SOMEBODY BAD. ARE YOU BAD?

PHYSICALLY PFFFFFT!

BUCKLE UP. IT MAKES IT HARDER FOR THE ALIENS TO SNATCH YOU FROM YOUR CAR.

I'M NOT A SNOB. I'M JUST BETTER THAN YOU ARE.

IT'S MY CAT'S WORLD. I'M JUST HERE TO OPEN CANS.

EARTH IS THE INSANE ASYLUM OF THE UNIVERSE.

KEEP STARING....I MAY DO A TRICK.

WE GOT RID OF THE KIDS. THE CAT WAS ALLERGIC.

DANGEROUSLY UNDER-MEDICATED.

MY MIND WORKS LIKE LIGHTNING. ONE BRILLIANT FLASH AND IT'S GONE.

EVERY TIME I HEAR THE DIRTY WORD "EXERCISE" I WASH MY MOUTH OUT WITH CHOCOLATE.

CATS REGARD PEOPLE AS WARM-BLOODED FURNITURE.

LIVE YOUR LIFE SO THAT WHEN YOU DIE, THE PREACHER WILL NOT HAVE TO TELL LIES AT YOUR FUNERAL.

IN GOD WE TRUST.... ALL OTHERS WE POLYGRAPH.